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1.16.2010

Confirmation

It's been a long road. Today it has been nine months and four days since Ian and I felt full confirmation that Darcy was ours and we made the decision to move forward in bringing her home. On Easter Sunday, we anticipated that with diligence we'd have traveled and been home by now. Yet we've hit our share of hold-ups. And our sweet girl continues to get older ~ on the other side of the world.

Some days the waiting, or maybe it is not knowing how long the wait will be that bothers me, is oppressive. Then there's knowing that the joy of adding a new family member comes with the pain of transition. (I've been going back and re-reading some of what I wrote in the "dark days" when Caleb first came home. Ouch!) And then there's the uncertainty of medical condition. Most days I'm able to rest in God's peace in that department, but some days when I'm not focused...
Combine that with a three year old who is not sleeping well (which of course translates to a Mama who's not sleeping well) and sometimes you have a perfect storm brewing.

Last week the hurricane hit. I let myself get too physically tired and spent too many days hurrying through the tasks at hand without spending quiet time with God.

I cracked Monday night at our Life Group. Fears of the unknown aspects of Darcy's special need, stress over the unknown amount of remaining time we have to wait, and dread of the transition time with a new child who speaks no English (or even Mandarin ~ she speaks a dialect) whom we will meet less than a month before she turns three got the best ~ or rather, the worst ~ of me. I broke down and cried (or sobbed) as I asked our group to lift us up in prayer. Thankfully rather than judging me for seemingly doubting what I profess to believe, they rallied around and offered support. Reinforcements when I needed them most.

I thought I was on the road to recovery when Wednesday came. In just a few hour period I learned that our package that we mailed to Darcy is lost, we had a "failed van purchase attempt," and another family from our agency got their Article 5 and we were left waiting for ours. Now today I can see for certain that the three events are non-related, but on Wednesday I put them together to spell doom. It was clear to me (I am almost laughing at myself now) then that because her package containing a photo album of us was lost and that we weren't able to buy the van that would be big enough for our expanding family along with the non-issue of our Article 5 meant that something was going to go wrong and we wouldn't be able to adopt Darcy after all.

So after I got Ky and Caleb down for a nap I was set to have a good cry. Then I went back and re-read for myself "Darcy's story" that is linked in five parts in the sidebar. As I read, I was so thankful that I had recorded how God spoke to Ian and I as we sought His counsel on whether or not to pursue another child so quickly after the first two. My soul was getting the boost it needed when an email came in (from someone that I've never met, or even had any way to know how to go about seeking out) that confirmed beyond doubt that Darcy was our girl. (sorry for the lack of details on that, but part of Darcy's story remains for her to tell one day ~ if she desires to do so) Only God could have orchestrated the series of events that put the author of that email in contact with me at the time that I needed it most. He is so faithful to offer reassurance!

And if that email weren't enough, little things have continued to happen since.

Like Thursday night we prayed as we went to bed that someone at the consulate's office in Guangzhou would come across our paperwork and right at that moment sign our Article 5. Friday morning I went to check my email and I saw the words, "Congratulations, your Article 5 has been issued."

Then Saturday morning I was reading from Psalm 5 and verse 3 jumped off the page. "In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation" At that moment it hit me. How many times have I prayed thinking that I was "just covering all the bases." Not really praying with expectation. But Thursday night we prayed with full expectation, and we saw God move! While our prayers don't always get answered so quickly or completely, I believe this one did because we were praying for something inside His will. Obviously He desires ALL his children to be part of a family.

Then Sunday morning at church I was moved by each song that we sang. It was as if the worship leader selected all of them to minister specifically to my heart. And one of the songs was written by our high school worship intern. (Spencer is amazing!) The bridge at the end of the song is, "We're not asking for the easy road. We just want hope." Totally our story right now, may we continue to live it!

On Saturday evening while we were shopping Ian wanted to pick up a new devotion book. I took the kids to the children's area of the Barnes and Noble and he browsed for a while and ended up with Grace for the Moment volume II. By the time we got home, got dinner on the table, bathed the kids and got them to bed, we were wiped out and headed to bed ourselves. So his first reading was for January 10th. And the subject? Adoption. More specifically, the line, "Within a month, two at the most, she'll be there (home)." It goes on to talk about how we've all been adopted by God ~ if that's not something you've considered before, let me know, I've got some great reading for you!

And then just today. I checked my email this morning because I was expecting word from Ann at Red Threads. She was going to print the pictures I emailed to her and send a photo album to Darcy to replace the one that we sent that was considered lost. I did indeed have an email from Ann. She said that it was a very busy week and she got delayed two days (we had decided that we'd give the package one more week to show up, just in case) in printing out the pictures. On Friday, a week and two days after our package was declared lost, she was getting ready to go print the pictures and get Darcy's package ready to send when the mail arrived early. And guess what was there...

I am in awe at how much God showered me with confirmation in the past week. And perhaps a bit ashamed that I had to crack before I asked Him to do so...

10 comments:

Laurie said...

I just loved this entry, Kristi! It just reminds me that I'm supposed to go through trials so that I'll learn to lean on God more than I do. I'm supposed to go to Him with expectation. I'm so happy that things are taking a turn! Yippee!! I'm looking at Darcy's face on the side bar as I write this, and seriously, she is just SO darling! Come home, Darcy! Come home!!!

Mrs. Connerly said...

I've been wanting to read your blog ever since you first commented on mine, but now with three kids.....oh there is just not enough time! But, I started to read today and you've got me in tears with nearly every entry. I can't wait to read more about your family's story! Oh, and it's okay to crack in my opinion. Because when I finally crack and I'm lying on the floor lifeless, God can finally get my attention and show me all the things He has been doing while I've been fretting away. I hope that made sense. Hang on! You're almost there!
~Wendy

Nancy said...

Wow, what an awesome post. It is so cool to see God working and to have that confirmation. I wish I trusted Him more and was able to see the right path for us. Congrats! Each day, is a day closer to sweet Darcy!

Pam said...

Wow, I am blown away by your post, Kristi.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Kristi, I think most of us have those times when we forget to ask. But - with God - isn't it always about that process?

Glenda said...

Don't beat yourself up too much, Kristi. It is a very emotional time. I've had those same types of thoughts before each of our kids joined our family. It's no different when you are waiting to give birth biologically. You question and worry about what will happen and if you are sure you heard God correctly or not. Then you meet that little one and, although there are sleepless nights and "Calgon take me away" moments, you know it is one of the best things you've ever done! You praise God with all of your being for giving you these wonderful blessings! If you need to talk anytime, you know my number!

Brady Family said...

Hi Kristi,

I wish I had time to read your blog more often, I just love it. You are a great writer and I love how you share so openly from your heart. You are quite the encouragement! I wanted to tell you that I love the picture of Kylie and Caleb in the AWAA calendar. I didn't even have to look at the names, I knew those were your babies as soon as I saw their gorgeous faces. Congratulations!

Tami Brady www.WhereOurTreasure-is.blogspot.com

Sharon said...

Love how your story continues to unfold....I posted this on facebook today: "I can't remember a season of pain, HE did not recycle to bring me gain"...I guess we can apply that to days or even hours!!

Lilly said...

Congratulation on Article 5.

Many times I've asked my self the same questions but the answers are on HIM and only him. Although, we know that, it is still difficult to let go of the little "control" that we think we have, but we don't. Hang in there because HE knows that we will all make it to the finish line!

Our Journey said...

Kristi - I just love when you post about your faith & how God is working in your life! Such a hard "wait" in our lives in the waiting for all that paperwork to bring our children home & you're allowed to feel a little bit like that with everything going on. However, it's just awesome that God was able to speak to you in such a sweet way & I love the way you acknowledge it!!