And so it is...

Don't you love those moments of clarity? You know, the ones where so many tiny bits of life, snippets of information, and memories of a time in life come together to show that while you may have had doubts, that all worked out for good?

I had one of those moments today.

From yesterday's post, (go back and read the caption and following paragraph under the last picture if you haven't yet) you see that Kylie's mind ~ and if I'm going to be honest, now mine too ~ is on getting to the beach later this year. And today during nap time, I decided to look back at how much Ky has grown since our trip last summer. (Click here for the full post)

This particular picture and it's caption brought so much back...I love to hear her getting ready to be a big sister. She only played with this truck the first day and then wanted us to leave it at the beach house because it was "for my baby Ta-eb!"

You see, at that point we still didn't have our final approval from the CCAA about Caleb, but so much was already in motion. The only tangible things we had about him were eight pages of a confusing medical and growth report, and the following two pictures.

That and the knowledge that Ian had already accepted a job about 150 miles away to keep us eligible to bring him home. We were completely changing our lives to make him a part of it. It was exciting, and that week it began to be a bit terrifying...

Up to that point I had taken complete peace from God that Caleb was our son and that everything would be okay. Our trusted pediatrician, an advocate for special needs children and a firm believer in Christ, had reviewed Caleb's file before we sent our request to adopt him and told us that in his opinion Caleb was not going to have any major medical issues. (He did make us aware that there was ~ and quite honestly still is ~ the potential for several more "minor" things, but God gave us a peace and we decided to move forward in pursuing his adoption). We felt blessed and excited.

But then I asked a friend of ours to look over Caleb's medical history. He read the report and focused more on the unknowns that Dr. D had. And while I took my eyes off God, those scary words from his report like, "probable meningitis," "hemorrhaging of the brain," "liver function issues" and "broken collarbone" began to dance in my head. Suddenly I went from elation that our approval would be coming soon to fear. That afternoon I started to wonder why the information we had on Caleb was already over a year old. Had something happened? Had his condition worsened and they just weren't going to tell us?

I mean, we were moving to bring this child into our lives and I didn't know how he was! I tried (and to this day I'm pretty sure I did a good job) to keep my panic hidden from our family that first day or so at the beach (I don't think anyone, even Ian, knew how worried I was). It was almost 24 hours of wanting to contact our agency and telling them that there had been a mistake or that we had changed our mind, or even use the excuse of Ian's job to back out. And then I heard Kylie talk about "her baby Ta-eb."

Thank God the sweetness and innocence of a child snapped me out of my gloom. I refocused on God and all He had done to orchestrate us being open to special needs adoption (read this post) and then being able to lock Caleb's file (see this post) and then find Ian a job in this tough economy so that we remained eligible to adopt per China's strict requirements (see this post).
I also began to pray for God to continue to grant me that tiny bit of faith, like a mustard seed, to see me through the rest of the wait and all that was to come before we finally got to travel to meet Caleb. And He was faithful and both peace and joy about our son returned to my soul. God simply whispered, "I placed the desire to adopt a "special needs" child on your heart and I will be with you in all that you encounter because of your willingness to follow me." Scripture after scripture that I read reassured me that God had a plan for our family.

And all that ties in with the picture of Kylie. How? Because yesterday I took pictures of Caleb playing with that very truck Kylie had declared his. And I know now that even if some of the potential medical issues do manifest themselves in time that the God of the universe, the one who promised that, "Give, and it will be given to you. a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap." (Luke 6:38) will be with us and give us what we need to face any obstacles.
You see, I gave God my trust, and he gave me this second amazing blessing! He gave us our son!

My life has been profoundly changed by this miracle of adoption and I firmly believe this story is not over yet...