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9.30.2006

Thoughts on my baby's birthmother

Tonight as Ian was watching his beloved Hokies get beaten by GT (boo!)I was surfing some China adoption chat rooms. Wow were there some downers! But then I realized that I have been emotionally where some of these folks are now. I remember the days of being so very frustrated about how some of our important paperwork arrived when we were at CCC or in Guatemala last year. (If we had been home when that stuff arrived, we most likely could have had our paperwork to China about three weeks earlier ~ that means we would have gotten our referral last week...) I also remember reading about adoption programs in other countries with shorter wait periods and wondering if we should switch to another land (we did debate long and hard about China or Guatemala when we started). As I was remembering all of those previous doubtsI was feeling so grateful that God has provided us a peace about this process, butI still didn't know exactly how to word it. Then I found the following...

This wait is really hard on all of us. I know that I get very angry and frustrated, going back and forth from one extreme (This is the month it is going to speed up!) to the other (just forget this whole thing…let’s save our money and go to Tahiti.) I have tried to imagine my daughter as Guatemalan, Vietnamese, Russian, and as an American foster child. Unfortunately, my heart keeps telling me she is Chinese and that I will have to wait to hold her.

The one thing that gets me through when nothing else does (other than prayer) is that I know that somewhere in China, my daughter’s birthmother is going through a grief far worse than I am while waiting on a referral. I have read comments like this on this site and others before, and they always hit home with me. Right now, somewhere in China, a mother and father are spending the last precious moments with their daughter, knowing that they cannot keep her. For them, time is passing incredibly fast. For us, it is incredibly slow. Eventually, their daughter’s face will complete a file at the CCAA and a lucky family will get to hold her forever. Meanwhile, her birthparents will always wonder what happened to her and if she has a good life. Their pain will never end. Mine will end in a few months, maybe more, but it will be resolved.

Wow! I can't think of a better way to say it ~ thanks kristinian (taken from a China adoption chat site)

4 comments:

Traci Cline said...

talk about rip your heart out. I am so grateful for you all that you will be holding your daughter soon, but wow, it makes me sad to think of all the families out there who want their children, but are forced to give them up... how sad!

Tricia Roller said...

Kristi, I agree with Traci. Reading that brought tears to my eyes. I can't imagine not knowing where my kids are (more than I already do when they are with Bryan). We'll have to pray for your daughter's birth parents--pray that they will have a peace and know that their daughter is safe and secure with her new parents.

Leslie (Dirt Diva) said...

Kristi and Ian, I am encouraged by your strength and faith. Thank you for openly sharing with others your personal struggles, your questions, and your inner thoughts. You are brave, you are heroes. I celebrate your daughter's life!

Leslie Gottschalk

LaoLao Shultz said...

I am ashamed that I have only been thinking of our long wait and being exasperated about it. How sobering to think of the loving Chinese mother who can't keep her child and is giving her away as a precious gift to a stranger. How desperate she must feel. I will pray that God will fill the emptiness in her heart and richly bless her for this amazing gift.