Admittedly there is never an *easy time* when one is waiting for the empty bunk bed to be filled.
But this week has been especially hard on me. I've simply not been up to my A game ~ or even my B or C for that matter ~ as a mom. I've been weepy, forgetful and simply distracted.
(Read: Since Natalie's 3 1/2 birthday last Saturday, I've been tearful over everything, missed parent/teacher conferences, misplaced my car keys, and even have been in the car and forgotten where I was going ~ no, not how to get there, just where I was going...)
My kids have sensed my mood and have stepped up prayers that their little sister will get to come home soon. And with the *best case scenario* on timelines looking like mid to late August and *worst case* stretching into October, I've caught myself on more than one occasion wishing the next several months away.
Until last night.
After Daniel and I got the big kids home from school, they asked if they could go out in the backyard to play for their free time. It was so beautiful that I simply couldn't say no. As I started into dinner prep, their happy chatter, giggles and shrieks of joy caught my attention and for a few minutes I even forgot about the potatoes I was peeling.
But this time I didn't forget something because I was distracted...or rather I was...but I was distracted in enjoying the moment...not looking ahead and missing it.
So I stood and watched them create some sort of acrobatic kickball game where Caleb was the pitcher and the others were alternating kickers. Points were racking up ~ evenly for everyone, much to my pleasure ~ and I let them play on.
It was time for them to come in and do their reading, but I let the game go on. In fact, I even did their chores of setting the table just to let them continue, because in that time frame, all I could focus on was my desire to freeze time...to enjoy them as they enjoyed each other. I just didn't want it to end.
And I realize that the little gift of savoring life as it is today was sent to lift me out of my distraction this week. I know that many of my friends have been lifting petitions on my behalf since I've shared with them my heart and He has listened. He who put Natalie in our hearts is so faithful to see us through the wait, no matter how long it may last.
[Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.] ~ Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
I am again able to refocus on how His timing, while very different from mine, has brought amazing blessings to our lives in many forms in each previous adoption process. So today I face the wait, still longing for Natalie to be here, but full of expectation for His timing to be absolute.