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8.30.2011

Reflections of the first day

I'm going to be real honest.  Yesterday was harder on me than I imagined it would be.  We had several "near crying episodes" before we left the house.  At least one of those was from Kylie ~ the others?  Well, I did admit it was harder than I expected...

the nearest miss of those episodes was when siblings ran outside to hug her one last time on our way to the van.  
And then when I saw the back of her hand rub over her eyes as we waited to check in to her room, I didn't think that I'd be able to put one foot in front of the other to walk away from her classroom.

But the eye rub is her way of putting on her game face and by the time I finished answering the teacher's questions, she was happily involved in her first assessment activity.  So much so that she barely looked up when I called goodbye from the classroom door.

Once I saw her settled in, I was comforted, but it was all I could do not to run out of the building ~ I so wanted to get out before the tears began.

(It's a complicated role this job of parenting.  Happy that our kids are becoming self confident yet wanting to cry because they don't "need" us anymore...)

I took advantage of an empty van to shed a few tears before I got back to the house to my littles.  And I cried again later as I made pb & j sandwiches and saw her empty princess sandwich box.  And I cried again as we got in the van to go to the park and saw her empty car seat.

It was just so weird without her being here!  DQ missed her playmate, Caleb missed his ringleader, and Daniel kept wandering around asking for jie jie Ky-ee.

3:45 couldn't get here fast enough.  When I finally got a glimpse of her all smiles in the carpool line, everything seemed so much better.


She was so excited about all the fun things she did and how many of the questions she knew she answered correctly ~ though she did share with me later that she "cried, well, not really cried, but kinda whimpered a little bit" at rest time because it was "unfamiliar and I wanted to hold your hand, Mommy" ~ that it was difficult to remain sad about this new adventure in her life.

The universe seemed back in order after we got back to the house.  Darcy and Ky immediately ran upstairs to put on dress up clothes, Caleb wanted to play cycling with her on the Wii, and Daniel wouldn't let go of her hand.  It was "chaos as normal" after a seven hour interruption and it felt right.

During the day the other three and I are sure going to miss having her home with us.  Thankfully we still have afternoons and I suppose that after a few weeks we'll all find a new normal.

I will say though, I'm not looking forward to next year when two of my babies head off to school...

11 comments:

Julie said...

I bet you are missing Kylie so much! That picture of Caleb hugging her is precious and so sad. I'm glad you made it through the day, I hoped one of you enjoyed the day at least :)

Leeann Mangum said...

I'm glad she had a great day! Just wait til college... my mom balls every time I pull out of the driveway to go to school - so excited I'm independent, yet so sad that it means I leave. But you have a while before then and I know you'll enjoy every minute!

prechrswife said...

I think lunchtime is the hardest for me...well, that and dropping her off in the morning and waiting for her at the bus stop...

anything but LoKEY said...

Sounds like a pretty successful first day for both Mommy and daughter. :)

Rachelle said...

Awe.. Glad she had a great first day. I can't imagine how hard that is on your heart.. Hugs!

Kathy said...

I'm happy that Kylie's first day went well - she is a real trooper. The ones left at home always have it the hardest. Sounds like her homecoming after school was chaotically wonderful.
Love, Grandma M

Traci said...

i am proud of you! You made it though.

Nancy said...

You did it! I am proud of you! I'm not so sure I will do that well when Noah goes to Kindergarten.

Glenda said...

Thank you, Lord for watching over and comforting our precious Kylie as she venture into the world of kindergarten!

Grandma Shultz said...

Kylie, you were such a brave girl and it paid off as you had a great day at school. There are so many interesting things for you to learn and so many new friends to make. You'll have fun showing Caleb, Darcy and Daniel all of the new things. You'll be there teacher! Grandma is so proud of you!

Our Journey to China said...

Oh, sweet friend, I know it is so hard. You are all so brave and so bonded as a family to support each other and love each other beyond compare. Praying for you all!