Meeting Darcy

Traffic was very light this morning on the way to the civil affairs office, and we made it by ten after nine. Savor, our guide here in Hangzhou, was walking in front of us leading the way. As we approached the office she said, "Oh my..." Apparently traffic was light for the orphanage staff too, because as we walked into the room, there she was, wearing the butterfly silk outfit we sent her and clutching tightly to her photo album. And of course the camera and video camera were neatly packed away in the backpack.




She actually smiled when we walked in, but her demeanor quickly changed as I approached her. She got down off of the chair and ducked her head, so I decided to pull out the big guns quickly and went straight for the M&M's.
 

The orphanage director and Kylie watch as Darcy takes a few mini-M&M's from my hand.

(The woman in red is the orphanage staff member responsible for international adoption).

Darcy showed her willpower over chocolate. This girl wasn't buying in. She held them for a second, tossed them down, and then ducked her head and began to cry. What I learned next just about crushed me. The director told Savor (who of course translated for me) that Darcy is a very smart girl. And that she is very shy about her birthmark in front of new people because there have clearly been people who have been cruel about her birthmark in the past. So she was hiding her face from us, her new family. I wanted to crumble on the floor, but instead I increased my resolve to make this baby understand that I think she is beautiful and that I will always be her safe place. (And I can't go there anymore right now or I will start crying ~ this is gonna be a tough battle for she and I to face together).

But she wouldn't lift her head for anything. We pulled out fruit gummies, offered her some of the snacks in her little backpack, tried Dora on the DVD player, and even some stickers. Nothing was working. Finally the director talked to Darcy for a minute, picked her up, and then handed her off to me. My heart was both elated to hold my girl, and breaking into a thousand pieces for her as she protested and tried to wiggle out of my arms. I tried singing to her, but that only made her cry harder and repeat herself louder in an attempt to be heard.

I would say that the weight I was given (35 pounds) was pretty accurate. And holding her with one arm while putting my thumbprint over my signature with the other was no easy task!

She continued to cry and try to get down. And she was saying something over and over, but she learned to speak in a dialect from her foster family and the orphanage staff speaks Mandarin. No one could understand what she was saying. My heart was breaking again as I considered how very frustrating it must be to go from being understood by those around you, to using the same words with no results within a matter of minutes.
 
 

"Please understand me!"

In a final desperate attempt to get the results she wanted with her sentence that she had repeated about 50 times, she put one hand on my cheek and finally looked me in the eyes, pleading with me to understand her and respond with her desired result. And there was nothing I could do but tell her I was sorry that I didn't understand. At that point I was close to tears myself, I felt so helpless to make her feel validated. If I only knew what she had been saying, but it would have been difficult even if I spoke her dialect because she had the "snubs.". Finally Savor suggested that I take her out of the room and walk the halls for a few minutes. She still was pushing away from me a bit, but at least the crying stopped.

Of course I had been praying the entire time, and suddenly I heard a tiny voice in my head remind me of the toy cell phones and keys that I had so carefully packed in my purse. When I showed Darcy her set, she gave a tiny grin. Then as I began pushing buttons and holding the phone up to my own ear, she gave in and smiled. Actually a full and complete smile, and even with a tiny giggle to top it off. And that was when I knew that though we'll have a long road until she's fully integrated into the family, that we're gonna be okay.

After all the paperwork had been signed and reviewed, we walked back out of the civil affairs office a family of five. Stopping by the Carrefour for water, snacks, and formula (Darcy still takes a bottle before bed ~ I'm thrilled! What a wonderful bonding opportunity!) and some diapers and formula to donate to the orphanage was next on the list of things to do. We left the camera in the van, but there were several sweet sibling moments as we pushed the kids in their shopping carts. We did some serious damage at the Carrefour ~ to the point that a bellhop had to use a luggage cart to bring up our purchases. Most of that was for the donation, though I will admit I went a bit crazy in the chip aisle... We then went for our family photo for the adoption decree and were back in our room by about 12:30. And we haven't left since. Ian and I decided that we're going to give her a day or so to BEGIN to trust us before we attempt much sightseeing or even meals out of the room. (We had ramen noodles in the room for lunch). Or maybe the "Mr. Xie" incident the first night with Caleb still rings in our minds...



One good thing though is it left for lots of play time.
 
 

Kylie showed Darcy how to use Color Wonders markers,

 

 

and the sisters discussed how silly their brother was as he played with his cars.

After a three way chat session,

there was group coloring time.

Things are going to be okay.

Some observations: The 39 1/2 inches we were told in height may have been conservative. She is CRAZY tall, I'd say less than an inch shorter than Kylie. And the weight of 35 pounds must be pretty accurate. My arm HURTS from trying to hold her for so long while she was struggling. Thankfully she has a coat ~ a pink Strawberry Shortcake one at that ~ so I won't have to buy one for just the remainder of our NC winter. She TOTALLY DIGS the brown Sketchers with the pink flowers that were Kylie's last year. When I showed them to her she pulled off her socks so that she could try them on. She then paraded around in them all afternoon and evening, even wearing them with her pajamas after bath time and they are currently beside her side of the bed. She's obviously colored with magic markers before because she knew how to put the cap on the end of the marker without being shown. She LOVED dressing up in the stash of dress-up clothes that I brought for she and Kylie. And oh man, are she and Caleb going to give me a run for my money. As "girly" as she was with the dress up clothes, she is also a little destructo like Caleb. I'm done for when she starts speaking English and they can plot against me. Her birthmark is much more extensive than we knew. My "mama bear" instincts are already kicking in to protect my little girl's heart and self esteem. She is being so brave. Earlier today she would tolerate me rubbing her hands or stroking her cheek for a little bit, and even would maintain eye contact for long periods of time. We're all totally captivated!



Oh, and the picture in the previous post? Kylie and Caleb were so engrossed in their coloring that I couldn't get them to look up ~ unlike Darcy who is happy to smile as long as you let her see the picture. So I used one of the oldest tricks in the book and said, "Hey, what's that out the window?" Both Kylie and Caleb fell for it, but they do look rather confused... I more chose the picture because of Darcy's smile! Kylie is making so many efforts to engage Darcy, and Caleb keeps talking to her and then saying, "Mommy, she not yis-en when I say Dar-hee." I keep trying to remind him that right now she is used to being called Qing You (pronounced "Ching Yo").



I'm sure I'll think of more later, and there is still more to share about the later parts of today, but my eyelids are growing heavy...