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1.19.2010

She knows

It's no secret that we had been pushing with all our might to be with Darcy by Thanksgiving. Enter all the snags with our home study...

When it was finally done and our immigration approval came quickly, we hoped for meeting our sweet girl before the end of 2009. Que a snafu with authentication at the Chinese consulate AND the fact that our dossier sat in Hong Kong for over a week due to the national holiday at the beginning of October...

Yet with a crazy fast LOA in only 49 days, we had renewed hope and prayed that she'd be home with us to celebrate Chinese New Year. All levels of approval between LOA and TA seemed to point toward the chance. We excitedly began to let ourselves daydream about being in China just before CNY with ALL THREE of our little ones...

And then we began to reminisce about being in Guangzhou in February three years ago when we met Kylie (we flew home two days before CNY started in 2007). We remembered how "all out" everyone seemed to go in preparations. I mean, Chinese New Year is bigger in China than Christmas is here in the states.

And that got us wondering how much Darcy's foster family is already ~ or soon will be ~ doing to gear up for the holiday.

Which of course got us to wondering how much Darcy (and her foster mother) is perhaps looking forward to the celebrations. So we began to pray that if it is best for Darcy's heart (and her foster mother's as well) for us to meet her afterward that God would gently, but firmly shut the door for us to make it there before. Sunday the door was shut.

**We knew that for any chance of leaving next Wednesday (the 28th in order to meet Darcy on the 1st) that we would have to have our TA by Monday. Late Sunday afternoon I got the following email from our agency contact.**

"Hey Kristi….

Just wanted to check in with you and give you a heads up that a few people you know will be receiving news that their TAs are on the way. Yours is not included in this group of three. I really just wanted you to hear this from me. Hopefully I will get news that others are on the way soon. Of course, I will let you know the minute I get any news at all!"


Sigh.

Just found out that group of folks from my agency that we've been in the same time line with all along is indeed leaving next Wednesday.

Double sigh.

(And lest you think that I'm stronger than I am, I'll admit that I cried for a bit when I found out).

But I guess we got what we prayed for. I'm choosing to believe that our bonding will be best if our meeting isn't us swooping in to take Darcy just before a holiday that even at a young age she is likely excited about. I'm choosing to face this as an answered prayer. Trusting that God's timing is better than my own. Because otherwise I just can't bear it.

So now we are praying fervently that we'll get our TA in time to at least meet her before her birthday. Because in the last year our little girl has grown (in pictures) right before my very eyes.

referral picture taken in 02/08
(I first saw her on 3/13/09)

additional requested photo taken in 03/09
(we saw it on 4/08/09 and we KNEW)

taken in 08/09
(confirmation that our girl has spunk!)

taken in 10/09 by Red Thread Charities on a medical mission
(be still my heart!)

And God knew that my soul would need some balm to help face the disappointment of MY timing not being met. Yesterday morning (His joy comes with the morning) I had an email from Ann at Red Threads. We have updated measurements on Darcy (just in time for me to shop the mega consignment sale on Wednesday) AND the following line:

"Qing you got your package"

(Here's a picture of what it contained ~ note that our photo album is included)

Darcy Qingyou knows about us now folks, she knows!

By the way, isn't that the cutest "puffy" silk outfit you've ever seen? I think my girl will look so sweet in her "new year duds!"

28 comments:

The Ferrill's said...

Sweet Kristi, I am sending you big hugs! Girl, we will be in China together...I just feel it! And I will get to see your beautiful Darcy! GZ, here we come!!!!!! ;)
(oh yeah, we need that TA first....but still! We're getting closer!)

Amy Kelly said...

Happy tears are streaming down my face! I am so excited for you! And so excited for her! And I want to praise God for your bravery and your faithfulness in recognizing his answer to your prayer and the need for it to be answered that way. I love you and look forward to hearing the news that "it's time"!!!

Kimberly said...

That's awesome that she knows! I'll be praying for God to be preparing her heart for the transition.... and for peace and joy for you as you get thismuchcloser to D-day (Darcy-day)!!!!!

Michelle said...

Darcy is so beautiful!! Have fun shopping at the consignment sale..

Lilly said...

Absolutely right when you said timing is out of our hands. You will be so glad one day when Darcy can tell you her happy memories about her foster parents one day. I am looking so forward to China (it looks like we leave on Feb 21) and are very happy with the decision we’ve made. Sooooo, I guess God’s timing for us to meet in China is still on! See you in Shaiman Island!

Pam said...

I know God's timing is perfect. Really I do. But right now I hurt for you friend, and I am sorry. When I see the photos of Darcy that you've posted, well, yes, she has certainly grown up~ but unfortunately not before your very eyes. Sigh....

What a gift from the Lord. And just when you needed it, too. He is faithful ALWAYS and I will continue to trust, as will you.

Hugs, friend.

Nancy said...

Oh Kristi, I am so sorry. How disappointing but at the same time, you are right about God's timing. How exciting that she knows about you though! Love the outfit too!

Jenn said...

Kristi....

Something about this post has made me cry. Such a sweet mother's love you have....longing to be with her and yet praying for what is best for her. Such a mommy's prayer! The Lord is with you my friend! And He's with your waiting Darcy, your darling Qingyou. And before you know it, she'll be with her forever family!

Praying!

Ally said...

Oh Kristi, she is just beautiful. We will be praying for a fast delivery of your TA. I am getting so excited for you and your family. I can only imagine what you all are going through.

Ann Marie said...

Kristi,

I am so sad for you. Hang in there. God will work out all the details...but it sure is hard to wait. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

Heather said...

LOVED the pictures of Darcy! My heart is sad for you my friend knowing how much you want to hold your baby girl. Praying you will feel His hand on you these next few days ... hang in there. And, like you, we traveled 2/06 and what a celebration it is ... something I will never forget!

Praying for all of you!

Gavin's Family said...

I'm so sorry for the missed timelines.
We have had a lot of "issues" with out paperwork too that has gotten us to this point and no baby boy as of yet. But,
It will come! (now I am quoting my husband as today was a hard day for me also)
(((hugs)) to you my friend.

Laurie said...

OH, I love it that she KNOWS- that's wonderful! And you're so right about your prayers being answered. Very unselfish of you, Kristi. And please, feel free to cry- that's what mommies do!

Our Journey said...

OH Kristi - my heart is breaking for you -- but I'm amazed @ your strength!! God will soon bless you soon w/ your chance to meet your sweet child!! And what a CUTE outfit that is you got for her!

TanyaLea said...

Oh Kristi~ I am feeling every ounce of your heart's aching pain. I KNOW how you long to hold her after knowing of and praying for her all this time. I KNOW how hard the delays and hold-ups are, and how sweet, yet heart-wretching it is to see our sweet girls growing so big while we wait. Yet my heart is just as your's is... it is trusting that God will bring us to our daughter in HIS perfect timing. We made our request known to Him, but we also let Him know how much we trust in His timing. He knows the exact moment in time that will be best for BOTH of our daughters, and we do have to trust that. I love that you gave your hearts desire over to Him and asked Him to slam the door shut if it was best for your daughter, that you wait until after CNY. Your heart is beautiful. But mine aches right along with yours. I know that once we both have our girls in our arms, this 'waiting' stuff will all be a big ol' blurr. But in the meantime, it's okay that some moments are a little tougher than others. I see that you might be traveling at the same time as the Ferrill's though...how lucky you are if you get to meet them! Their Kevin is at the same place as our Khloe. Laine is such a sweet and amazing friend in the Lord, and I am so grateful for God using this avenue of blogging to bring us all together. Praying that He continues to comfort your heart as you prepare for your travels. I love that you got an update and learned that your care pkg. arrived. We are finally able to send Khloe our photo album, too...and can't wait until she gets to see us. It should be there in a few weeks! :) Take care and have fun shopping with those new measurements you now have!! :)

Blessings and Hugs,
~ Tanya

Tiffany said...

I am so sorry you won't be meeting your little girl when you had hoped but I so admire your strength and trust in God, even when it isn't easy. Since I started following your blog I too am getting anxious for you to finally bring Darcy home! I can only imagine what you are feeling. You will be in my prayers!
Have fun shopping for your sweet little ones! And the outfit you sent Darcy is just adorable!!

Larry and Carol said...

Hard to accept God's perfect timing sometimes but just look at Kylie and Caleb and you know He knows what He is doing. Love you all. AC and UL

Mama said...

My sweet girl, my mother's heart is aching right now for you. I'm in tears of sadness and joy. Sad that you aren't able to get Darcy quickly and joyful that she got the package, that she has seen your pictures and knows that she has a forever family that it anxiously waiting to get to China to get her. My heart is so full of love for Darcy already. My prayer is that God will prepare her little heart for receiving all the love that is awaiting her.
Love, LaoLao

Jaclyn said...

Hi Kristi!

I'm a new follower to your blog and I wanted to tell you how much I enjoy it! I have you in my google reader so I get to read the updates whenever you post!

Looking forward to following your journey and hope that somehow you might be able to find out just how much fun Darcy had celebrating CNY! You'll have her soon!

Jaclyn

Lisa said...

Oh Kristi, this is not the post that I was hoping to find when I finally had a minute to check in on you guys this morning. I was hoping for travel dates but not nearly as much as you are. I'm so thankful that God has given you a glimpse into why He may be delaying things. "For a time" is what I keep hearing. Praying that God will bring this time of waiting to a close and move you forward in His will. And YES that is the cutest outfit ever! And you are soooo welcome for the cookbook!

a Tonggu Momma said...

Oh, Kristi... there is such wisdom in your words, alongside the tears. Of COURSE you are hurting, but God's timing in this will be perfect. (((hugs)))

Vicki said...

Kristi, You are an amazing woman that I can learn a lot from. I am glad to have "met" you. I only wish that it had been in person in China.
Vicki
http://www.pomafamily.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

YIPPIE! Oh how Auntie Cici can't wait to meet her!
That is the cutest outfit! I can't wait to see her in it!
Aunt Cici

Tricia said...

Kristi,

I can't imagine how you are feeling to know that you have to wait a bit longer. How wise you are though to recognize that it may not be best for Darcy to leave during the CNY. I can imagine it's something she is looking forward to celebrating with her foster mother. I'm sure her foster mother will cherish these times with her.

It's good to know that she's received your package and your photo album. I bet she can't wait to meet all of you. Can you imagine how excited she is to know that she'll have a brother and a sister that are so close in age to her. :)

Love ya!

Jenilee said...

adorable clothes! sorry that you are still waiting but God really does know what is best... I'm sure it is just so hard to wait!

Rachelle said...

I'm so happy for her that she knows. I'm sure the Loed is preparing her now to be able to make that transition from her foster family to her forever family. Can't wait to see her in your arms and with her new siblings.

Amanda said...

I am sorry y'all don't get to go yet - we will keep you in our prayers and hope that things move quickly after the New Year.

Melanie & David said...

Tears rolling down my face - we're sorry your TA did not come but as you so eloquently described, perhaps this chance for her to spend NY in China will be a good closing for her. I am so happy she knows her forver family is coming - just has me sobbing. We hope to see you at the lake this summer or perhaps even passing by in Shanghai on our way out. Melanie